August 14, 2009
Musician Jokes - vol. 1
Things have become entirely too serious at the PSG blog, so:
~Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven....~
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk."
"Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates"
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see."
"Fine .. go right on in through the Pearly Gates!"
"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy."
"You can load in through the kitchen."
What's the difference between an accordion and an onion?
No one cries when you chop up an accordion.
For this next joke, you need to understand a little music theory. Need to learn music theory? I give lessons! Very useful for songwriting and all musical activities!
C, E-flat and G go into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve minors," and E-flat leaves. C and G have an open fifth between them and after a few drinks, G is out flat. F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me, I'll just be a second."
Well, enough frivolity. Time to go to work!
Posted by leonolguin at 12:46 AM | Comments (0)
August 11, 2009
Bad Songs By Good Bands
A fun article about how even the “greatest” artists occasionally release less-than-great songs.
While I'm not so sure that everyone on this list is a great artist (or even a “good band”), I certainly agree that the songs are less-than optimal examples of the art of songwriting.
One of the first rappers? Eating cars and guitars? Men from Mars!?!
Posted by leonolguin at 09:58 AM | Comments (0)
July 22, 2009
Another Nice Musical Mess
A posed picture from "You're Darn Tootin'"
When you walk into our studio you’ll notice a couple of prominently displayed and properly framed pictures of Laurel and Hardy, my favorite film comedians.
One picture is from their film “Below Zero,” where L & H are street musicians, playing and singing “In the Good Old Summer Time” in the middle of the bleakest of winters. They are met with outright hostility by the general public.
The other picture is a publicity poster from their 1932 feature film “Pack up Your Troubles.”
Oliver Hardy (the big one) was actually a fine singer, and Stan Laurel played the piano a bit.
Here’s a one-of-a-kind instance of them singing a duet. Amazingly, this recording became a hit in the 1970’s.
Posted by leonolguin at 03:51 PM | Comments (0)
July 21, 2009
Smells Like Rick Astley
If I did not require sleep, I would use some of the extra hours to produce things like this:
Posted by leonolguin at 11:56 AM | Comments (0)
July 14, 2009
Auto Tune the News
As you already know, Auto Tune can be used for evil.
It can also be used for fun.
Here is an example of Auto Tune being taken to its limits to make television news even more ridiculous than it already is.
Listen and watch if you dare. If you do, your thinking concerning these two phrases will change forever:
“God Bless America!”
“Its the smoke!”
Posted by leonolguin at 04:25 PM | Comments (0)
June 29, 2009
Man vs. Machine
I work a lot with computers and all that technology stuff, but I am most definitely not a “gear head.”
Most of the time, I get along well with my machines, but then there are days like the one I experienced last week:
First, I try to use my cell phone in the house. This is allowed isn't it? Its not against the law, as far as I know. However, whenever I try to use my cell phone in the house, I invariably lose the signal. Sheryl can walk all over the house, and merrily talk away to anyone in the world on her cell, while I can only manage, “Hello, how are you do”....(beep, beep – signal faded). This happens EVERY TIME.
OK, I'll move on to my laptop. Trusty ol' laptop. I just upgraded to Microsoft Internet Explorer 8. The day before the upgrade, I could go online, update this blog, do a quick check of Facebook, no problem. After the upgrade? Can't get online. Once I updated my browser, I could no longer go online. Now I'm no “techno geek,” but I KNOW that's not how its supposed to work.
So I have to call in my technical expert, Sheryl. She will fix it eventually, but this kind of thing can emasculate you in a hurry (if you are a man, that is).
So on to the studio. I have to bring up a certain ProTools file to work on, and IT IS NOT THERE. I'm looking in the folder where it is supposed to be, and it is NOT THERE. How could I lose a file? I search through every folder on the drive, thinking I may have accidentally moved it, all the while thinking about all the work that would be involved in recreating the file. Now, you may be asking, “Where was your backup?” Don't ask. I always back EVERYTHING up, except this one file that I was going to work on, and then save and back up on another drive.
Finally in desperation I turned off the Mac, and rebooted. I went back to the same folder, and THERE IT WAS. In the same folder I had been frantically searching through only moments before. Could I have been looking directly at it without seeing it? It is entirely possible, but I went through that folder (and every other folder on the hard drive) file by file.
Somehow, I have made the technology gods angry, and I must find some way to appease them.
Posted by leonolguin at 12:19 PM | Comments (0)
June 22, 2009
Anime Sheryl
Our daughter Rose will be spending her senior year studying in Japan at Kansai Gaidai University in Osaka.
In honor of this once in a lifetime experience, Sheryl has had herself turned into an anime (Japanese animation) character.
Anime Sheryl
Posted by leonolguin at 10:43 AM | Comments (0)
June 18, 2009
From Frank’s Vinyl Museum
From one of my favorite sites of all time:
If you thought the music of today was weird…
"Possibly the two most hated words in music -- brought together for the first (and probably the last) time on this 1979 release from Jimmy Sturr and his orchestra. As if to add insult to injury, this record contains not one but two discs of the stuff -- 20 tracks in all. Maybe they recorded one track for every single person who wanted to see this album made."
Posted by leonolguin at 03:17 PM | Comments (0)
June 12, 2009
Beethoven in Nashville
I post this famous cartoon in honor of my friend and fellow musician, Sybil Gage.
Have a great weekend!
Posted by leonolguin at 10:58 PM | Comments (1)
June 11, 2009
Tennessee Waltz – the Sequel
I did a little research, and it turns out the “The Tennessee Waltz” is ONE of the state songs of Tennessee. They actually have 6 state songs:
1. My Homeland Tennessee
2. When It's Iris Time In Tennessee
3. My Tennessee
4. Tennessee Waltz
5. Rocky Top
6. Tennessee
In 1964, Tennessee Waltz became the fourth official song of the state. It was adopted by Senate Joint Resolution 9 of the 84th general assembly.
So “Rocky Top” is ALSO a state song of Tennessee.
Why so much fuss over Tennessee?
Because Nashville is there, of course!
And they have more state songs than any other state.
How could any songwriter not like a state that has 6 state songs?
Posted by leonolguin at 09:50 AM | Comments (0)
June 10, 2009
The Mysterious Tennessee Waltz
Last Friday Sheryl and I played a gig at the Vero Beach Yacht Club.
Just before we started, a spry, charming, elderly lady called me over to her table.
“Would you please play the Tennessee Waltz?” she asked.
“I’d be happy to,” I replied, “but I can’t remember all the words, so I’ll have to play it instrumentally.”
“That’s OK,” she said, “It’s the state song of Tennessee, you know.”
Her husband had been listening in to our conversation, “Will you also play “Rocky Top?” he requested.
“Oh, don’t play that!” she teased, “That song was written to be sung at football games.”
“We’re from Tennessee,” he proudly informed me, “and that’s one of my favorite songs.”
We played both songs.
This was not the first time a long-married, sweetly devoted couple asked for the “Tennessee Waltz.” What makes it interesting is that while it’s a tender, romantic, country tinged melody, the lyrics tell the story of a man who brought his sweetheart to a dance, introduced her to a friend of his, and then watched helplessly as his friend stole his sweetheart away, as the friend and the sweetheart danced to the beautiful Tennessee Waltz.
Later on the gentleman proudly informed me that he had proposed to his wife in 1948 in front of the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville.
I wonder if they met a dance?
Tennessee Waltz
I was dancin' with my darlin' to the Tennessee Waltz
When an old friend I happened to see
I introduced her to my loved one
And while they were dancin'
My friend stole my sweetheart from me.
I remember the night and the Tennessee Waltz
Now I know just how much I have lost
Yes, I lost my little darlin' the night they were playing
The beautiful Tennessee Waltz.
Posted by leonolguin at 04:13 PM | Comments (0)
June 04, 2009
Never Be Mean to a Horse
I couldn't resist putting this up.
Check out this comic: "One Big Happy."
Ruthie is upset because they didn't give the horse a name.
I'm upset that a hit song was written with a two-note melody.
Posted by leonolguin at 04:14 PM | Comments (0)
June 01, 2009
Papa Leo
Back in 2002, Sheryl wrote a song called “Walking My Dog,” in which she sang about the various dogs we met on our morning walks with our “previous” dog, the late Buddy Rodgers.
In the last verse she tells the story of “Papa Leo,” who “keeps his pockets full of treats.” When we ask him how he is doing, his reply is usually, “Still kicking! But not too high.”
When Sheryl began her battle with Lymphoma last year, I ended up walking our “new” dog, Abby Rhodes, on my own each day. I would occasionally see Papa Leo and he would always ask how Sheryl was.
Well, this morning Sheryl and I were out walking Abby Rhodes together, and for the first time in a year we met Papa Leo together as he was working in his front yard.
His pockets were full of treats for Abby (and other neighborhood dogs, no doubt).
Sheryl asked him, “So how are you doing?”
He answered, “Still kicking! But not too high.”
Then he added, “You know, I try to enjoy every day as much as I can. And I hope to enjoy many more.”
We hope he does too.
Posted by leonolguin at 12:35 PM | Comments (0)
May 26, 2009
Song For The Week
Haiku Ewe - by Big Al the Gal
I like the old-style microphone.
A great many puns could be made here (e.g. "My next number will be "Wooly Bully").
Posted by leonolguin at 07:15 AM | Comments (0)
May 11, 2009
A Disturbing Thought
Our daughter is coming here to visit for the next couple of days. Tomorrow (May 12th) is her 22nd birthday, so we will be celebrating mothers’ day and her birthday on the same day.
It’s hard to believe that I have a 22-year-old daughter. Sheryl looks entirely too young to have a “child” this age.
This got me to thinking (always a dangerous thing…).
Sheryl and I moved to Florida in December 1984, so I could take on the position of assistant pastor of a church in Merritt Island.
(Yes, I am an ordained minister, but please don’t call me “Rev.”)
My initial responsibilities back then were working with the youth group, and also with the musicians.
In 1984, the youth group members ranged in age from 13 to 17.
Today, the oldest are over 40.
Forty.
Well, I think I’ll go wind up the victrola and listen to a few 78s.
Posted by leonolguin at 02:33 PM | Comments (1)
May 08, 2009
Snoopy Knows What Really Matters
Sorry about the "squished" image.
Posted by leonolguin at 12:24 PM | Comments (0)
April 06, 2009
April Fools
I did not think that anyone would really believe that “talent enhancing” software existed. However, I seem to have “fooled” a fair number of people. Of course, they could have been pulling my leg when they expressed their sincere admiration for this amazing technology.
Being a gentleman, I will not name any of the “believers.” Nor will I ever tease them about falling for the joke, nor will I mention their names to anyone except my wife. (She in turn will not divulge their identities.)
Check the date of the posting: it was April 1. April fools day.
There is no “talent enhancing” software, but most of our work involves helping musicians and songwriters develop their talents, so we are the talent enhancers.
Posted by leonolguin at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)
April 03, 2009
Band Name Etymologies
If you’re not sure what etymology is, you’ll be able to impress your friends with your knowledge of it after reading this amusing Wikipedia entry on band names.
Posted by leonolguin at 03:22 PM | Comments (1)
Cool and Lame Band Names
My dad had a joke that he would tell from time to time. “Have you heard of this band? They’re called Johnny Flush and the Four Commodes.”
This joke may be a bit dated, but when dad first told it, some of the most famous bands in the country had names like:
Strawberry Alarm Clock
The Beatles (Sure they were great musicians, but come on, their name was a lame pun.)
The Turtles
The Doors
The Monkeys
The Animals
I have always been fascinated by band names. Some of them seemed well thought out, others seemed to have been created during a drug and alcohol induced haze.
I realize of course, that passing judgment on band names is a subjective exercise, a lot of times you just have to go with your gut.
So, here is my completely subjective, far from exhaustive (because that would be exhausting) gut-wrenching list of cool band names, and lame band names.
Cool Band Names:
U2
The Who
The Rolling Stones
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention
The Sundays
The The
The Band
E Street Band
Lame Band Names
Phish
Archers of Loaf
Rage Against the Machine
Alice in Chains
Souls at Zero
Mouse on Mars
Apples in Stereo
After the Fire
Porno for Pyros
Tears for Fears
Hootie and the Blowfish
Death Cab for Cutie
Matchbox 20
Seven Mary Three
Limp Bizkit
'N Sync
Def Leppard
Toad the Wet Sprocket
Hoobastank
Everything But the Girl
Smashing Pumpkins
New Kids on the Block
Presidents of the United States of America
'Til Tuesday
God Is My Co-Pilot
Bowling for Soup
Big Head Todd and the Monsters
Dead Kennedys
Hmmm. This second list is getting a little long, and there are several more I could add.
I’m beginning to think that its more fun to make fun of lame band names than to admire the cool ones.
Posted by leonolguin at 12:37 PM | Comments (1)
February 25, 2009
The 50 Worst Songs Ever
This article has been up on Blender.com for a while, so some of the video links no longer work, but chances are you will start the hear many of these songs in your mind the minute you read the title.
I had fun recalling many of these inexplicable hit tunes . But once in a while, the most unpleasant sensations rushed upon my beleaguered memory.
Posted by leonolguin at 06:23 PM | Comments (0)
February 16, 2009
Happy Presidents' Day
Hope you’re having a happy Presidents’ Day!
I can remember when we used to celebrate Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays separately, and there was no Martin Luther King Jr. day, although there certainly was a Martin Luther King Jr.!
I’ll be back tomorrow.
Posted by leonolguin at 10:50 AM | Comments (0)
January 29, 2009
The PSG is Back!
The PSG is back!
I realize that this is not earth shattering news, so the question may come up, WHY? Why are you back, and where did you go?
Where did I go? Well, nowhere, really. I just got caught up in other things, and started to ignore this blog. I lost the momentum of putting something out there on a daily basis.
Now that’s not a very good excuse, so that’s why I’m back doing this again.
So what am I going to say?
This blog is for everyone who loves music: listeners and performers. So we’re going to talk about music, the music that is out there, the great songs and singers waiting to be discovered (and not just on American Idol…) and the opportunities out there for all those who have a song to sing.
My wife Sheryl and I have been privileged to help many musicians in their journey, and we plan to keep doing it as long as we are able. But I also see more clearly than ever the need to communicate.
We need to offer words of encouragement, direction, comfort and instruction. We need to keep reminding ourselves of why we do what we do.
Also, there’s a lot of funny stuff going on out there, and we need to have a laugh occasionally.
So, here we go again! Glad to have you along for the ride.
Posted by leonolguin at 12:15 PM | Comments (0)
January 25, 2007
Hot Cross Sponge
While this story has nothing to do with music and recording, I found it so funny that I had to comment (snark?) on it. Apparently, you can’t underestimate the ability of some people to not think things through.
Apparently a team at the University of Florida (not the football team, but most likely a team of guys in white lab coats) found that “cooking” a sponge for two minutes in the microwave at full power could kill a range of bacteria, viruses and parasites.
They described how they soaked the sponges in wastewater and then zapped them.
It sounded like a good idea. Who doesn’t want to get rid of those nasty bacteria viruses and parasites? So many folks tried to do this at home, but they didn’t realize that the sponge had to be WET. Several experimenters left out this crucial step. They put a dry sponge in the microwave at high power. The result? A series of sponge fires that left kitchens across the nation smelling like burning tires.
One disgruntled experimenter wrote: “Just wanted you to know that your article on microwaving sponges and scrubbers aroused my interest. However, when I put my sponge/scrubber into the microwave, it caught fire, smoked up the house, ruined my microwave, and pissed me off.”
Aaron Hoover, a press officer at the University of Florida, said several other news organizations received similar complaints, although no one had complained directly to the university.
“We figured, 'Wow, we better let people know right away that the sponge should be wet,”’ Hoover said in a telephone interview.
Yeah, I guess so!
So the university issued the following advisory:
“To guard against the risk of fire, people who wish to sterilize their sponges at home must ensure the sponge is completely wet. Two minutes of microwaving is sufficient for most sterilization. Sponges should also have no metallic content. Last, people should be careful when removing the sponge from the microwave as it will be hot.”
Duh, duh, and duh.
There must be SOME way I can connect this to the music business. Any ideas?
Happy sponge cooking!
Posted by leon at 02:42 PM | Comments (0)
January 05, 2007
Here We Go Again
It's the day before we leave for Nashville, and as usual, we are spending the day getting everything ready for the trip. I just spent the morning getting the car ready, you know, the usual routine, getting the oil changed, and having my mechanic check everything in order to make sure that we don't break down somewhere along the way.
This is going to be a quick trip. We’re only going to be in Nashville for few days. So I'm not going to attempt to post anything to the blog while I'm up there.
I'll be back on the 13th. I'm sure I'll have some fun things to share with you. I'll make sure we take a few pictures too.
Posted by leon at 04:14 PM | Comments (0)
December 06, 2006
If I Didn’t Care
I figured I’d better put something up here today, so my readers wouldn’t wonder what had happened to me.
But then again, I recently spied a teenager wearing a shirt with the following message prominently displayed:
NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR BLOG.
I hope that is not the case.
I like to think that THIS blog contains some valuable insights and useful information.
At the very least, we can make fun of the sillier things that happen in the music business.
Such as this.
Posted by leon at 02:16 PM | Comments (0)
November 16, 2006
Bizarre Records!
My daughter has purchased a total of two CDs in her life. She gave them both away.
She purchases all her music on line, or her friends send her MP3s. She does not own a single CD.
I, on the other hand, own a few CDs.
I also own several LPs. You know, vinyl. Licorice pizzas.
In fact, I own several bizarre LPs, including one of my favorites: “Lawrence Welk Live at Madison Square Garden.” (I am not making this up).
But my collection is nothing when compared to that of the proprietor of this Website, Nick DiFonzo:
As he explains on his site:
“I started collecting records many years ago. The problem was, there were so many other ‘collector nerds’ where I lived that finding ‘good’ records at thrift stores & garage sales was next to impossible. No matter how early I got to the sale, there was a bigger nerd who was there 15 minutes earlier and bought all the so-called "good" stuff.
“I noticed that when a collector nerd looks through a box of old records at a thrift store, he will often pull out some 70's religious disco exercise record, make some sort of witty remark about it's lameness to his bored girlfriend, and toss it back while grumbling how you can't find good records at thrift stores anymore.
“I began to notice that often these ‘rejects’ were just as good as the more widely sought-after items. This is what I started to collect!
“Some of these records are actually quite good, if one takes the time to listen. Though I admit there are a few here that one can accurately say, there is no POSSIBLE way this record will be worth listening to. Some are kind of funny for a minute or two. The majority are just 'average', not particularly good, but not laughably awful. Of course it's those laughably awful records that are the real gems!”
You are hereby warned: if you go to this site, be prepared to lose several hours of your time.
Posted by leon at 06:26 PM | Comments (0)
August 14, 2006
Snakes in the Dryer
Last Saturday we Sheryl and I held our 25th anniversary party.
When I said in an earlier posting that we would have a full house, I wasn’t kidding. It was practically wall-to-wall people, but what a group!
I will not attempt to name everyone who was there, since I would run the danger of leaving someone out.
The party ended around 11:30 PM, and Sheryl and I started trying to put the house back into some semblance of order.
At about 12:20AM Sheryl went into the garage to finish drying some clothes, and found that the dryer would not run.
She began to think, “Hmm, we’ve had this problem before. Could it be?”
So she moved the dryer away from the wall, took off the back panel, and there it was: a black snake that had crawled in to the dryer through the vent. It was very much alive, and not at all happy about being disturbed while resting in a dry, warm and comfortable place.
Sheryl enlisted the aid of our daughter Rose in safely getting rid of the snake, after which the dryer ran fine.
Ah, life in the country.
I’ll have some pictures of the party soon.
Posted by leon at 01:35 PM | Comments (0)
August 10, 2006
Wasting Time
Here’s an example of how today’s technology can cause us to waste time. This is an email that I received today:
Hi!
Last time we talked about the difference between Canadian and US medications. You told me that US meds are much better than other. I've decided to try out Canadian pharmacy. You know that i have some problems with anxiety so i used Valium and Xanax that I've bought at My Canadian Pharmacy drug store: (use this link).
They have lower prices but their medications have such quality as US meds do. They also provide secure purchase. I'm completely satisfied and i think you'll be satisfied, too.
John.
In the first place, who is “John”, and when did I talk to him about Canadian and US medications? Why would I even be talking about medications? I’m a musician, not a pharmacist!
Secondly, how would I know that “John” had problems with anxiety if I don’t know who he is in the first place?
Finally, is “John” intimating that I need to be using Xanax and Valium, so I might as well get them cheaper from “My Canadian Pharmacy?”
Perhaps I need to be using some sort of memory enhancing drug, since I have no recollection of my conversation with “John.”
Things like this keep me out of the studio, and thinking crazy thoughts.
I’d better get to work before I’m tempted to write back to “John” and demand that he leave me alone. (I could word my request in a stronger, earthier way, but there are ladies reading this blog!)
Posted by leon at 10:38 AM | Comments (0)
May 19, 2006
Entering the 21st Century
I spent an hour yesterday attending a “Webinar.” (I don’t even know if I spelled that correctly. The spell checker doesn’t seem to think so).
I was “there” (but not really there, I was here) to learn more about putting together an email newsletter.
At one point, the host of the webinar, came on and seemingly took over my computer. This cursor began roaming around my screen, out of my control, and while her soothing voice was coming over the speakerphone, various windows and screens flashed by, as she deftly demonstrated the ins and outs of email campaign creation.
So that was my first “webinar.” Some of you are saying, “Yeah, and did you know that you can take a picture with your phone? And how about those keen supermarket scanners?”
Now, my cell phone is a “Model T” cell phone. It doesn’t fold in half, I have to actually hold it to my ear to use it, and it resembles nothing so much as a small black brick.
I was walking along in the mall recently, holding my cell phone in plain view (I don’t like hooking it to my belt, I’m afraid it will fall off…).
As I passed a cell-phone kiosk, a twenty-something guy called out to me, “I can upgrade you!” I’m almost certain he was referring to my phone.
He obviously wanted to sell me one of those sleek, “Star Trek” inspired cell phones that allow you to take pictures, surf the net, check email, record video, download music and various ring tones, and order out for pizza.
I kept walking. My ancient cell phone enables me to make calls and receive calls. That’s all I need, especially considering that I make approximately 5 calls a month, all to my wife to tell her where I am, and receive about 5 calls month, all from my wife asking me where I am. The cell phone is also handy to have in case the car breaks down, and I have to call AAA.
Lest you brand me a “technophobe,” remember that I am learning how to properly prepare an email newsletter. This may be “old hat” to many, but it’s “new hat” to me, and I’m happy to throw myself into learning everything I can about it.
And, after all, a very handy and dependable Mac dominates my project studio!
And, just over a year ago (starting on May 17, 2005 – happy anniversary to me!) I learned how to post to a blog.
So there are some new tricks for this old dog.
But I still don’t need to take pictures with a phone.
Posted by leon at 02:27 PM | Comments (0)
May 12, 2006
I Couldn’t Resist!
Today is our daughter's 19th birthday.
Now I know what you’re thinking, “Sheryl looks way too young to have a grown daughter!” I agree.
Anyway, we’re getting ready to leave the office / studio and take our "birthday girl" out to dinner, but before I leave for the day, I found a picture that I just had to put up:
You know, they just don't put as much dog in your coffee as they used to!
Posted by leon at 05:31 PM | Comments (1)